Is there a ‘right’ way to handle your grief?

Losing someone dear to you is incredibly painful, and grief brings up all sorts of emotions like sadness, anger and confusion. In simple terms, grief is usually described as sorrow, but it's different for everyone – some people cry a lot, while others might feel numb or even relieved. You might find yourself asking, 'Is this the right way to grieve?', but since grief is deeply personal, there's no single 'right' way.

Grieving is a personal journey, not a set process.

There's no rulebook for how to grieve 'right' when someone you love has passed away. It's about letting yourself feel whatever comes naturally, without judgement. All these feelings are valid and it's completely fine to not always understand them or to feel like you're on an emotional rollercoaster.

Experts talk about stages of grief like denial, anger and acceptance, and while these insights can be helpful, it's not a checklist. Your journey through grief is unique and can't be neatly boxed into stages. Grief is complex. You might be okay during the funeral, but cry in the middle of a mundane task. One moment, you might feel on top of things, and then suddenly, you're just lost. 

There's no need to rush or adhere to any expectations about how you should be handling things. Trust that your emotions are valid, no matter what they are, and that taking care of yourself is the most important thing.

Acknowledge your feelings.

Check on yourself regularly. How are you feeling today? Did you wake up missing your loved one or did you wake up feeling relieved as they’re no longer in pain? Writing down your thoughts can be helpful in sorting through your emotions. If you hold back those emotions, it could lead to behaviours that are unhealthy. It's important to give yourself space and permission to feel what you need to feel. 

Allow yourself moments of peace and even a bit of happiness during times of grief. It might feel strange at first, like you're not supposed to feel anything but sadness, but that's not true. Grief involves a range of emotions and experiences, and part of this journey involves finding ways to cope and heal.

Think about what brings you comfort or makes you calm. It could be something simple like taking a walk in nature, listening to music, or spending time with loved ones who understand what you're going through. Expressing your feelings aloud can be a relief and a comfort. Remember, it's okay to seek support when you need it, whether from friends, family or professional counsellors.

Grieving looks different for everyone, and that's okay.

Your grief is yours alone, and it's okay if it doesn't look like anyone else's. Just like our relationships with the person who passed away and how we deal with emotions – grief is unique to each of us. Acknowledging this helps create a compassionate and supportive environment for everyone dealing with grief. 

It can be tough when the people around you don't seem to be grieving the same way you are, but know that everyone handles loss differently. Some people might find comfort in talking about their feelings, while others might need time alone to process. What helps is giving space for those differences, and letting others process their grief in their own way without comparing it to yours or expecting them to feel the same things. Just being there for someone offering a listening ear, without trying to fix or change their feelings, is already a huge thing.

There's no timeline for grief.

Some people may find that their grief lessens over time, while others may continue to feel its impact for years. It's okay to take it day by day and honour your loved one in ways that resonate with you. Whether it's cooking their favourite meal, looking through old photos, playing their favourite songs, planting a tree in their memory, or simply remembering them in quiet moments.

Above all, be gentle with yourself and those around you. Everyone handles grief differently, so it's good to remember that others might be grieving too. Be patient with yourself and others, and allow yourself to heal at your own pace.